You. I used to be so amazed by you. Your sweet talk, talents, and beauty. That was your plan though. See the thing you have to realize about some women is that their one desire in life is to make a man weak over her and control their emotions and essentially? Control them. Not saying men don’t do the same but.. YOU. You did that to me. No matter what you utter to me about “It was real”; “I loved you”; ECT… It was all a horrible plan to ruin my life. You succeeded for a long time. I don’t know if you know this or not but I nearly spent every night crying myself to sleep over you. Over the fact you ignored me until I was practically begging you to even notice me. For constantly lying to me. From little things to big things. There was no honesty on your half. You wouldn’t admit even at the end of our relationship that you had lied about many things. The funny thing is that you and I both know you lied. I’m not an idiot. I was an idiot though. For constantly falling over backwards and constantly torturing myself by staying with you. Every day I thought of how much better it would be if I was dead. I thought that because I would have rather died than live without you. I just wanted you to stop the games. All I wanted was your true, unconditional love. All I got was empty words and broken promises. I was so soft for you. You could have done anything to me and I would have told myself “She will change. Keep trying”. That’s the thing that kept me going every day. The hope you actually cared about me enough that you would have stopped lying to me. That you oils have had an honest relationship with me. You wouldn’t be ashamed of me.
I have a different view of you now. I’m tired of thinking you’re the best person ever when in reality you may as well be the worst. I am 100% sure if I hadn’t have met you I would have never self harmed. I lied when I said I didn’t cut over you. Every single cut I ever made on my body was because of you. I didn’t have the heart to tell you. I didn’t want you to be hurt. I just wanted you to care about me enough to stop hurting me… That’s all I ever wanted from you. Was to be loved like I loved you. I wanted to have kids with you and marry you. You were my idea of happiness and perfection no matter what you did. That’s what love is. Looking part someone’s flaws and loving them anyways. That’s how I know I truly loved you. You continually hurt me and hurt me and I couldn’t even bear to stand up for myself because the fear of losing you filled me.
But you know what the point is?
The point is you were my biggest mistake. I have never been so hurt by anyone in my entire life. I have never cried as much over anyone. No one has ever back stabbed me like you. I have never ever cared for a person like I did for you. You are the reason I don’t trust people anymore. You’re the reason I’m going to have regrets. I regret every moment I spent thinking about you. I wish I could take it all back and saved myself the trouble. I honestly thought you were worth it. Turns out you’re like the rest. Actually you’re not like the rest. You’re worse. You betrayed me more than any human being has ever done.
I gave you little parts of me I would have never given anyone. You knew all my little secrets. You held my very heart in the palm of your hand. Your choice was to squeeze it as hard as you could and watch me die.
Now I see you as someone I don’t ever want to see. I never want to run into you. I never want to hear your lies. “Baby I love you”. When I think of you saying that it makes me sick to my stomach.
All I hope for is that someone would he kind enough to treat you like you’ve treated me. Just so you know a portion of the pain I’ve felt for the past 3 YEARS.
My sister called me for the first time in years. She has a baby and she’s married. Even better; she’s coming to visit me. 😃
You ever date someone, and think they are the best thing on the whole planet. You give up everything for them, and they tear you to pieces? But when you start picking yourself back up and get your life together, you realize they were a mistake? I’ve realized that so much now, and that I was just young and dumb. Now it makes sense and I feel truly complete in my life and content with focusing on God. He brought me the right girl. 😊 Thank you God.